Further Captain Buzzkill Fiascos

Before we get all poetic Das Enuff, we need to give the sweet reader a little background on one Cpt. Buzzkill and his evil counterpart Professor Fartknocker. We encountered these evil scoundrels in the tall corn fields of Indiana. We drove for several miles through the fields and I thought for certain that I saw a caped man in the fields but everyone thought I was crazy. Sure enough, there it was, right in front of my eyes I saw Cpt. Buzzkill for the first time. He was in the middle of the fields with his fists held high in the air while rocking back and forth in a slow, drunken manner. I still get chills when I get the constant flashback of his beady little eyes peeking out at me, mocking me, knowing that he will eventually send my life in a drunken, downward spiral.

Later, we saw this evil beast begin his wicked antics first hand. When Prof. Fartknocker was simply walking down the sidewalk in search of any beverage of the alcoholic variety, Cpt. Buzzkill sensed his desire for a good time. At that very instant, CBK goes in for the kill, trying to cripple PFK by unleashing PFK's only known kryptonite, a crack in the sidewalk. After hearing a loud roar, in an almost slow motion manner I looked back to see PFK falling towards mother earth ever so slowly. All I can remember after that was the loud, devilish and deafening laughter coming from CBK. That is when we first witnessed CBK's trickery. He has since made amends with PFK and they work as some sort of evil, and possibly gay tandem.

So far this is all we know about these conniving characters:
1. If there is any sort of ensuing fun, Cpt. Buzzkill will swoop in and destroy any thoughts of it.
2. He usual strikes when you are nice and inebriated.
3. He has an uncanny way of driving you home at super-slow speeds and force you back into sobriety.
4. He uses the corn fields to his advantage(it seems that you are going about 100 mph but when the horse and buggy of the local Amish family passes you to the left, you get suspicious).
5. PFK has a super sonar gas that he releases when he feels that CBK needs some assistance. This gas has a knee-buckling affect on everyone including CBK but he has built up some sort of immunity.

Where will Cpt. Buzzkill and Prof. Fartknocker rear their ugly, ambiguously gay faces next? Stay tuned to find out.

Last Saturday Night...

I bring you the story of mean Captain BuzzKill
He comes with no warning, he takes your will

Sidekick in tow, his name his Professor Fartknocker
Stench so silent, it will knock you off your rocker

But beware oh one if you dare
Don’t piss off the Cap’n you’ll end up NO WHERE!

Which is after all his goal
You wish for one more beer but end up with coal

We try for one more bar
But BuzzKill replies “GET IN THE CAR!”

Try to cross him, go on and try
You’ll end up like us, in a good cry

“Hangover be damned,” we try to plead
“You’ll thank me tomorrow!” is CBK’s creed

“Please, oh please BK, just one more nipsy
It tastes sooo good when it hits your lipsy”

“Try me again and I’ll put a crack in your path!”
All the more for Fartknocker to feel his wrath!

Beware, I tell ye of ole BuzzKill, he can be a real loon
When he’s clearly had no poon!

I heed you good reader, take note of this verse
And maybe you will be lucky and avoid his great curse!

Off to see the Wizard

The boys are off to see the wizard (aka the game this weekend).

Look for them in SI's superfans site next week.

Lips name disgraced

I just remembered a story from last week that gave me chills up my spine. I was sitting at the bar with Deuce and we are having our normal everyday conversation about nothing and all things related to the subject when in walks a woman who looked about in her late forties, early fifties maybe. Of course it was hard to tell because her skin was somewhat leathered up due to some extensive time under the fake bake lamp. The thing that caught my, and several other people's, attention was the rather large lip region. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against big lips but the kicker was that she accentuated them with this pink, silver, ultra shiny, high gloss coating. The closest thing that I can compare it to is a car wreck. You know it is bad to look at but you just can't help yourself. I could hear a couple of the tables around me talking about them but I gave up listening because my pint was calling me. After a while I seemed to have forgotten her when someone says "hey, where did Lips go?" I didn't respond. I didn't say a word. I quietly asked for my tab, finished my beer and walked out with my head down in total defeat.

Pretty funny...

...especially given the source ('Das Enuf's Pops...the mighty conservative one who doesn't tell these types of jokes very often):

"This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister
of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military
action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off
America's supply of convenience store managers. And if this action does not yield
sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell customer
service reps.
> It's getting ugly."

Reminds my of Habib in Denton. That dude was awesome. Still don't know if that was his real name or not, but he was always great. Funny dude.

How many digits on a gas pump?

That is the five dollar question. Where's the picture proof?

I think I see something

There, on the horizon......It looks like.....It is! It is another mf'ing vacation SON! I cannot wait to leave the black hole otherwise known as work. This place has the ability to completely suck every ounce of life force out of my. But, like you my dear friend DE, I only have two days to put up with the evil arse whip known as work! Be forewarned though, I don't know if I can contain myself from 70's weather, cold Old Styles and drinking with a man who ate more chicken nuggets over a three day span than most third world children eat in a lifetime! After that we get to go to the greatness of Notre Dame to watch them dominate their way to the BCS Championship game. Life will be good soon but for now, I just hope my Wonder Woman deflector bracelets will work against the overwhelming evil powers that my job has to make me lose the will to live. So back to the place where time stands still and I will talk to you boys soon.

I can't believe the US basketball team lays another egg. Come on Ratface , get it together already!

Unfortunately...

...I am the quintessential White Man dancer. I guess that would qualify me as the over-dancer because I only have a few moves in my repertoire that I have to shoe-horn into whatever music is playing (fast or slow)...you know the water sprinkler, the lawn mower, the string puller, the chainsaw (though I can do that slow-mo should "Open Arms" bust out), the ho-digger---wait a minute...time to move on.

I don't really mind any of the "dancers" except the side-bar dancer. That dude really annoys me. I can deal with the super-star, the terrible dancer and the over-dancer. But as outlined previously in this blog...I can't stand the PDA guy (*cough* Pillow pants *cough*). It's terribly obnoxious. If that chick is into you as much as you think she is...as evidenced by your tongue down her throat and excessive groping...take her home and nail her! Every second you stay there slobbering extiguishes a minute of your "window." More importantly, no one wants to see it.

The only time I want to see PDA is when two chicks are going at it. 'Nuff said.

On another subject completely...can you *&$%^# believe the US LOST to Greece?! Sonofabeeeee-otch. Unbelievable. Why can't the best athletes in the world come together for 3 weeks, leave their egos behind, play a little D and dominate as they should?! So frustrating.

On a lighter note, I'm staring a 3 day weekend in the face, I only have two more days to work (after today) and the weather in The Bend looks outstanding! HIs around 74, LOs around 63. Perfect.

And I don't feel like working today.....so banter on!

Pete Finfrock, out.