90210

Much appreciated Lips. I'll pass it on to TLO!

But I must get this out on the blog and out of my mind. I've been contemplating it for a while and yes, I believe it to be true. Lips got my wheels turning with his theory that the all powerful Captain Buzz Kill can indeed posses other beings. I was skeptical at first, but his story about The B was intriguing.

Then while daydreaming about Kelly (hey I've got 4 more weeks...And it's KILLING me! I haven't gone this long in my professional life!) it hit me suddenly. CBK can indeed possess other creatures and I fear he's been around MUCH longer than we may have given him credit for. We thought he was created during our trip to The Bend, however, by my estimation, it may have been as early as 1989. Yes...17+ years ago!

After Kelly, uh hum, took care of business, my thoughts wandered to the evil Donna. You see my fellow mopes, WE were David Silver and CBK was indeed Donna reincarnate! All David did was mind his own business. Yes, he had the funky hair, crazy fashions, run-ins with the bad seeds and problems with Da Man, but who among us hasn't (Das Enufs follicle deficiency has been well chronicled as has Pillow Pants' fashion sense, Deuce's omnipresent bruises and Lips "yea, you wanna go...let's dance beeeotch!" persona). But he was a well-meaning dude that did his best to be a good guy for Donna. What did Donna do to re-pay him? NOTHING. She closed her legs. She would never cede to his every advance. David would take her to a nice dinner. Donna would complain the lobster wasn't pre-cracked (God forbid he take her to the Peach Pit). David would open the car door for her. Donna would complain about his Carolla. David held out for her. Donna refused. Nat was never good enough for her. She wanted Emeril! Then to make matters worse...as if to hold a carrot just beyond his reach, she went off and got a boob job! That's right, the resident Beverly Hills virgin got BIGGER fun bags. AAAAAHHHHH! So frustrating.

That's right...Donna was David's (our) BUZZ KILL. David went through his formative teen age years tormented by a big boobed beeotch that never gave it up no matter what he did. Who does that? Who gets fake boobs and doesn't sleep around? That's like me going to Hair Club for Men and then wearing a yarmulke for the rest of my life.

We had to wait until the last season for the payoff. When finally after 9 seasons of wining and dining, she decided the "time was right." Of course this was after he got a room at the Beverly Inn...that's right, the $500 a night hotel that Dillon lived in.

Unfortunately for David he pulled a Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and married the pyscho. Let us hope, for our own sake, that CBK does not have the same effect on us, my fellow mopes. May we enjoy brews unencumbered by the threat of CBK. May Professor Fart Knocker realize the error in his ways and have a beer w/o the threat of cracked sidewalks again. May the sun rise tomorrow and my CBK never find another David Silver to torment.

I'm parched.

Congrats

I would like to congratulate Das Enuff and the Crow on the newly born spawn aka The Little One. How Das Enuff was able to produce a being that cute is beyond me so I will give all the credit to the beloved Crow. Childbirth is such an amazing event, as you just witness DE, and it is even better when the first colors that TLO was able to see were Blue and Gold. So to TLO I say......better yet, beg, never lose the natural forcefield that you were born with to block out any CBK attacks and if you could protect us all with it we would be forever in debt to you.

YES....

...Lips, I concur! CBK's manacing influence is far-reaching. After the pure joy of experiencing the birth of The Little One, the exhaltation and euphoria I felt was squelched most immediately and harshly upon receiving a text message from CBK: "Congratulations, she told me she wants to go to Penn St."

Crestfallen and inconsolable I confront the new born. Happily, she reports that she did indeed tell the mean, evil CBK that she does intend to enroll at that most backwards of institutions with their back-woods fans who tell others to sit down in their own stadium....but only if she's denied admission at TCC! Yes, you see The Little One was keen to CBK before birth! Seems our warnings to her while in the womb (much like Superman's Father's advice to him while he traveled from Planet Kryton to Earth) paid off!

My fellow Mopes, we are faced with a force so great, that he will not stop merely with us. He is now trying to influence our young. We must join forces to keep the buzz alive.

Damn you Captain Buzz Kill, damn you!

Cpt. Buzzkill Returns

Just when you thought you had seen it all, Cpt. Buzzkill rears his ugly head with new form. I will be the first to admit that I underestimated his powers but I have seen the true strength and rule of this magical creature.

So it all began on an average Friday night. I stumble into the local pub where everyone knows my name and upon ordering an adult beverage, I get this chilling feeling that I am being watched. I slowly glance around the bar looking for the evil tyrant otherwise known as Cpt. Buzzkill or his odorous sidekick Professor Fartknocker. It just so happens that no sooner than I get somewhat of a buzz working, guess who shows up? That's right, the captain himself! When I finally let my guard down he came around the corner in a ram-rodding attempt to spoil my evening. Although he gave a valiant effort, I didn't cave. This is it! I have conquered Cpt. Buzzkill. I tried to make peace by buying CBK a brew but he wasn't having it. I knew that this wasn't the end.

Fast forward to Saturday night. I am at a concert minding my own business just trying to enjoy myself when I feel the chilliest breeze I have felt in my life. Next thing you know BLG, who is seated next to me, turns to me and says "you will thank me in the morning." Next thing I remember I felt that feeling like I just saw a cop in my rear view mirror and I couldn't speak. I look over to see BLG constantly tapping Das Enuff on the leg and whispering "hit me again." Surely this pace couldn't continue could it? Suddenly it was 11 pm, we were leaving the show and I had no buzz since I was only able to pry one and a half beers from BLG's thirsty kung fu grip. I spent days trying to figure out what happened but after several sleepless nights I got it. Cpt. Buzzkill has the newfound power to possess other people in order to kill your evening without even being there.

Captain Buzzkill, you have stooped to a new low and you never cease to amaze me. We will meet again.

The Penn State mascot recreates the infamous "Evolution of Dance" routine

The Penn State mascot recreates the infamous "Evolution of Dance" routine in this clip.



If you haven't seen Judson Laipply's original version click here. Both are worth watching and will make you laugh.

Baseball

So does anyone out there care less about baseball than I do? I usually try to keep up around playoff time, but I have absolutely no interest in it this year whatsoever! At this point I would rather watch reruns of Knight Rider than the division series. So this is what is going through my head now:

Michael: Kip, set a course for the ML Divisional Series.
Kit: But Michael, they suck.
Michael: Nonsense Kip, that is quality TV watching. Now take me to the nearest pub so I can catch the games.
Kit: F U Michael, I would rather you shovel sugar in my gas tank!
Michael: Kip, you are designed to obey my commands.
Kit: Not when it comes to watching crappy baseball.
Michael: What the hell is wrong with you Kip?
Kit: I am tired of your sorry arse European singing and roided up baseball. You want baseball? Watch it from hell motherf'er. Set course for the nearest cliff! So you still wanna watch baseball now, MICHAEL?
Michael: OK, OK! We can watch the Akron vs. Pennsylvania football game instead!
Kit: Now shut up and bring me some Super Unleaded beeeotch!

Football Season

Well, it has been a while since someone has posted anything on this sight so I figured I would give it a shot and see if we can't get this thing going again. I know that I am partly to blame but you have to realize that it is football season. This is such a great time of year. You have college games from Thursday to Saturday and NFL on Sunday and Monday. We are fortunate to have Tuesday and Wednesday to prepare for the upcoming week. So here are a couple of observations that I have from the first month or so of the football season.

All the talk about Notre Dame going in the can has stopped after the great come-from-behind victory against Michigan St. Now the talks of one Brady Quinn are starting back up again and with their schedule easing up, it couldn't have come at a better time. Now if we can find a way for Troy Smith to get beat.

This is just for my fair weathered Chicago Bears fans. Last night I was driving home and heard and interview with Lovey Smith on the radio. It was driving me crazy trying to figure out who this voice was, but I knew it was familiar to me. It had a nasally sound with a feminine, almost woman-like twang to it. Who was it............ I know this voice, but from where?????? GOT IT! It was the voice of Cleveland Brown from the Family Guy cartoon! Holy crap, that is it. I quickly rushed home and popped in my Family DVD and BAM, there it was . Lovey Smith is Cleveland Brown. I knew it. Not only does he sound like him but he kind of looks like him too. So how does and NFL head coach have the time to coach his team, watch film and make cartoons? Next thing you know he will have his own sitcom. "Lovey" Or maybe he can star in the remake of Gilligan's Island. I think he may be able to pull off a rich, older Caucasian woman.

Well, that's all I got but I will chime in soon with another Cpt. Buzzkill and Prof. Reno Fartknocker episode. It is in the works now.