Vegas Baby!

Well, recently I found myself in the greatest city in the US.....Las Vegas. Oh how I love this beautiful city. There is no better place in the world to people watch than Vegas. I found myself taking note of everything going on around me and it was gold everywhere I looked. It was so bad that I would forget stuff that we had seen before because I had a case of information overload. For those of you who have been, you know what I am talking about. If you haven't been, I will try and explain. Let me preface this by saying that I spent a few days there with an old friend P-Nug. We share a lot of the same interests and find the same things funny so it made for an entertaining week.

Shows: We tried our hardest to go and see a new show but we were somehow magically sucked back into the Blue Man Group show once again. The show is now at the Venetian, where they built them a new venue, and it is even better than before. I felt like a high school girl on her way to see Justin Timberlake. If I had a diary it would have definitely been the first entry I wrote in for that day. I couldn't wait to see the show and when it was over I couldn't wait to get boozed up and rehash the entire thing.

Gambling: P-Nug so thoughtfully educated me on the learnings of his new "book." It was like he was Mr. Miyagi and I was his young, trainable Daniel San. I was hooked on his every word. I couldn't learn enough about the wonderful game of blackjack. He would catch me off guard while walking down the strip and give me a pop quiz. It was great. And at the end of the trip, the sensei left his young, inexperienced student on his own against the hungry wolves and he prevailed. After winning back most of the money that he and the sensei lost, he felt better about himself and digressed to his room..........at 6 am. I was hoping that after the trip my sensei and I could build a deck or paint a fence together but it never worked out.

Boozing: What a great concept the combination of gambling and drinking is. Think about it from the consumer's perspective. Go to a bar, deal a couple of hands of blackjack, get drunked up and leave with the bar owing you money. How great is that? Why would you not take the chance? I put my liver in jeopardy every time I pony up to a bar. I do the same to my lungs when I light up a cigarette. Why not throw my wallet into the whole mix as well.

Finally, sightseeing: They have a new thing called the "Deuce" there now. It is a double decker bus that takes drunks like us up and down the strip for a few measly dollars. As you could expect, there are many jokes to be had so we took a stab at a few. 1. I can't believe it just cost $2 to take a deuce. 2. Wow, I have taken four deuces today. I could go on forever. There is much more on the subject but I have written way too much already. So until next time......

Valentines Day

I have been meaning to write this blog for some time now but laziness has taken over my life. So what is the deal with this "holiday?" It is the biggest joke of a holiday with Halloween a close second. Why in the world would someone get sucked into this day for any more than a card? I understand the mushy part of "oh, you have to show your significant other how much you love them," but what are we doing the other 364 days of the year? So hey, 364 days out of the year go ahead and treat your significant other like crap but this one day, you had better show her love!

So here is what it amounts to:
On any given Saturday you go out, buy some flowers, take her to dinner, afterwards go home and light some candles, put on some Marvin Gaye and...well.....you know the rest. The entire night costs you $80. Good night huh? Do the exact same thing on Valentines Day and it will cost you four times as much. So why do it? I don't understand it. Can someone please put it in simple terms for me? I have tried but the closest I can come to try and understand it is the Superbowl. So sure, we can watch football all season long and i guess it is OK but then comes the Superbowl and BAM, you are all over it. You can't keep your hands off of it. You are calling all your buddies to come and watch this miraculous event with you. So what that I am out 500 bucks, it was all worth it.....

Am I anywhere close here?

What the Mopes missed in Miami....

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hill/070204&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab1pos2

School sucks

So here I sit in class, fighting the Z monster who is chopping away at my neck and trying my hardest to stay awake. So what happens? The mind starts to wander. What to talk about? Hickeys? PDA? Little people (always a great topic!)? Superbowl? Why not all?

I have always dreamt of going to the Superbowl and this year I had a brief opportunity to go. A good friend of the mopes was going to be in South Beach for the big game. The game plan was set. Four guys in SB, no worries, indebted to our ears after this trip, wasted for five days, beautiful people in every direction, oh yea, and football. That dream was shattered and short-lived. Instead we were relegated to our couches in the confines of our homes. All is well though. The beer was flowing and times were good. But I couldn't help but imagine what life would have been like in SB.

Here is what I think would have happened:
We arrive in Florida in Wednesday fully prepared to mooch off of our good friend who is already there. We head to the cab stand just after sucking down a couple of cold MLs at the nearest pub. Once we get settled in we proceed to the local hot spot. The first thought is we find a good bar filled with little people where we could hang out and maybe get a few numbers....since they are smaller than normal, do they get drunk on a fraction of the amount of alcohol as the average sized person? Ok, I am getting off track.....After solidifying a few numbers into the ole cell phone we move on to the next venue. On the way we would get questioned about our sobriety by Shaq Daddy and invite him to have a drink with us. None of us are the Cobra so that doesn't happen. So we then hit the next pub where we pony up to the bar and order brews. Things are going well until we noticed excessive PDA and a hickey making seminar in one corner. Unbeknownst to us, the women that were roaming around weren't actual women but we should have figured that out by the activities in the previous sentence. We down our beers and move the chains. Things are starting to get better so we start party hunting. We find a party that seems to be jumping so we hop the fence and get in. Next thing we know we are on the set of VH-1 getting our groove on. After getting shot down by every woman in the bar and drinking ourselves into an oblivion, we proceed back to the hotel. I wake up the next morning with my torso in my room and my legs in the hall ready to do it again.

Needless to say that none of this will ever come true but how great would that have been? And that was just the first night. I am sure that CBK would have found a way to kill my buzz from afar had we made it.

Hey....whoa....wait a minute...

FIRST of all....SOMEONE changed one of my posts! Regarding my responses to the WOW post, I said YOU ARE GAY if you get a hickey after 16, let alone 30. Not "a Dummy." I can say that because my very gay friend Dallymon still exchanges hickeys. I guess it's still ok in that community. So yes...you are GAY if you still partake in the hickey business!

I call B.S. changing my posts!

Second of all...genius 'commercial' Lips! I applaud you sir.

Third...nice to see you this morning BLG. Viva la Primrose.

Fourth...at what point (age or stage in relationship) does it go beyond the realm of coolness to suck face at a bar. I say over 25 or after the relationship is more then 2 weeks old. Other than that....get a room, save it for home or something. Man this PDA is killing me. And no, don't make lame jokes about me not getting any...I get my share...granted it's not enough...it's never enough (for 'Das Enuf anyway)...but it's likely more than what you're getting.

So please, for the love of everything Holy....leave it at home!

Sheesh!

Oh...and don't change/edit my posts MoFo!

I could talk about this all day

It is just hilarious to me that a 30 plus mope could get a hickey. The funny thing is that when I saw it I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was like a lunar eclipse. I knew if I looked for too long I would have some lifetime effects like burnt corneas or something but I was hypnotized but the bright red beacon in the bar.

"Well, here's to you Mr. 30 year old hickey getter (insert Bud Light theme music here). When everyone else said 30 was too old for a hickey, you got one anyway. You boldly displayed your mark of affection in a public establishment with pride. And when everyone gave you a hard time, you responded with 'bartender, another shot please!' So I raise my glass to you Mr. 30 year old hickey getter."

Good point

First of all:
If you get a hickey over 16 years old...YOU ARE A DUMMY. Period. No excuse.

Second of all:
Re-direct DOWNSTAIRS. Seriously, there's only one place on the body that a sucking garden hose of a woman belongs.

WOW!

It has been over three months since anyone has touched this thing but what the heck, I will give it the ole college try. So a couple of things have happened recently that I will try not to bore anyone wit but there is one question that I have......At what age do you stop getting hickeys? My thought was junior high but upon the results of a quick survey I did at the local pub I found that it was a little younger. WRONG! WRONG! According to the mope who was sitting to my right who is quite a bit older than 12. Mope comes in, sits down next to me, and has the audacity to think that he can get away with it. I don't think so sir!

Two bright red spots, shining like a beacon in the night. Who is going to miss that? Not me sir. So the next time a girl starts sucking on your neck, redirect, pull back or make up an excuse, otherwise you will have to deal with the drunk idiot (me) berating you from across the bar.